Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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