I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
