Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
