I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize