32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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