she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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