I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A+ Viking dick
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
