He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
