Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
