if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
