OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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