jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I lost the right to judge tonight
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
