my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
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