ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
