no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
