Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
