i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The Olympian is in my bed
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
