This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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