You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize