found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
