I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
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