Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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