On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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