pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I can text with my tongue
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
