ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
