That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
