Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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