nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
