he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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