Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
