And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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