i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
