So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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