Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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