Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
