Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
