how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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