I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
