i would punch a child for taco bell
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
