I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
