I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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