oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
