she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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