i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
