Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Sorry about my life...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
