i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
