You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
