I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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