Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
