The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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