careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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