I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
