I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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