Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
