At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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