the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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