hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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