All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
