I can text with my tongue
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
