can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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