she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
