Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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