rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
