so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
