Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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