What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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