and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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