Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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