She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
