I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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