"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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