Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize