Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
