well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I am one with the molecules
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
