How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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