Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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