He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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