so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize