I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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