woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
