i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I did not marry a roomba.
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