dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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