he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My feet surprised me
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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