Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
