I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
