distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
