I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
