Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Randomize
