while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
is that a dick in a sweater?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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