Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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