Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
