whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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