You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
