Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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