you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
